The impetus for this major transition that I’m going through began on Election Day 2012.
The Daddy of the house gifted us a surprise stay at a local hotel. This was the first time that our little family was going to stay at a hotel together!
It was completely magical.
Giant soft yet firms beds.
Enormous abundant fluffy pillows.
Plenty of desk space and hook ups for our gear.
We had an amazing afternoon pretending we were in a new home. The girls were both ecstatic to be having this adventure.
Daddy and I were looking forward to following the election and watching cable as much as we could….we don’t have cable at our house, and of course doing just a teeny bit of snuggling on big fluffy comfortable pillows.
Everything was just delightful.
And then, in the blink of a moment it all changed.
At about 10pm my 14 month old Mae’s nose started to run profusely. She seemed slightly bothered by it but because of the newness of the surroundings she seemed to be ok.
I was wrong.
I spent the entire rest of the night with Mae in her Ergo carrier getting up out of bed every 30–45 minutes or so to keep her from screaming at the top of her lungs because of the runny nose.
I got bursts of sleep, never any kind of deep sleep, and I was never in bed for longer than an hour. It was one of the worst nights I’ve ever had.
I never got a chance to relax in those luxurious beds.
I never got a chance to snuggle with anyone! I would have settled with just snuggling with a pillow.
I was SO conscious of doing my best to keep Mae from wailing away because I was completely overwhelmed by the thought that we were in a public place and there were other people that needed to sleep and I didn’t have to make their night at the hotel as miserable as mine.
That runny nose continued until January.
During those months I experienced a level of depletion, exhaustion and malnutrition that I can positively say was the worst of my life.
The entirety of myself suffered at all levels, but I just kept pushing through. I was living in a fog fueled almost entirely on sugar and caffeine.
So why am I sharing this with you?
Because I’m not there now.
I’m in one of the strongest places that I’ve been in a long time on all levels, as a woman, as a mother and as a teacher.
I feel grounded deep in my bones.
It was that immersion into this unbelievable dark place within me that was the catalyst to fiercely claw myself out and re-claim me.
I teach and most importantly practice yoga and it’s applications in the murkiness of the everyday.
My yoga is NOW.
It’s the yoga of blinks of meditation, one down-dog practices, bus pranayama and a daily practice of coming to my senses – literally.
The luxury of yoga mats, yoga studios, yoga clothes, yoga retreats, yoga workshops, etc. etc. etc. not part of my world at the moment.
My sadhana is diving into the painful, gucky, and crazy frustrating parts of my daily existence and allowing time and space to let go of that which is blocking the many layers of my Self to interact in a more efficient, harmonious interconnected level to the best of my ability at any given moment.
Allow and refine the process. Rinse. Repeat.
This is the most challenging spiritual practice ever! Holy mosey!
How about you?
What is your practice about? Where is your pain and frustration lie? What do you need help doing to get you to a place where you feel the most solid ground beneath your feet?
I’d love to deepen the conversation about this. It’s so necessary to embody and live the practice NOW. It’s time.
Share with me lovely. Let’s do this together![ois skin=”Footer For Newsletter Posts”]